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FAQ:
Q: Dear Psychologist,
We caught our 17 year old son using alcohol 2 weeks
ago. We grounded him for one week and this weekend when
we let him go out, he used it again. After he is grounded
this time (2 weeks), we are planning to drug test him
for alcohol every time he returns home. Do you think
that he may also need counseling?
Thanks
Answer:
It is important to know why your son is using alcohol.
Is he choosing friends who drink alcohol and “going
along with the crowd”? Is he shy and drinks to
help him feel more comfortable? Is he rebelling against
authority? Does he enjoy being “out of control”?
Knowing the answers to these questions should help you
decide how to deal with his behavior. Both grounding
him and testing him for alcohol are good first steps.
If he is drinking primarily because he is with others
who drink, testing him when he returns home gives him
a way to say no to friends, e.g. “I can’t
drink, my parents are testing me.” If he feels
insecure or unable to assert himself enough to say no,
he may need counseling or some program that helps teenagers
learn to stand up to others. If his alcohol use has
been going on for several months and he is unable to
quit drinking on his own, you may want to seek advice
from an organization such as Alateen (Alcoholics Anonymous
for teenagers).
Q: Dear Psychologist,
My 14 year old son's school is worried about some behaviors
he is having at school. He has been having tic like
movements a lot at school especially when he is frustrated
and we have seen a little at home. My son is not aware
of these movements when they happen. The school is worried
that these movements will hinder him with college and
work in the future. The school wants him to get help
so he can succeed especially since we found out while
testing him for fine motor problems that he has a very
high IQ, 130, and that his math and science skills are
college level. What kind of doctor should we take him
to for a diagnosis? He has an appt. with a neurologist
who has over the phone already talked about medicating
our son without ever even seeing him. I am not sure
this kind of doctor is the way to go.
Thank You so much for your help!
Answer:
It sounds as if your son's tic-like movements may be
related to anxiety about school performance or something
similiar. Of course, you will want to make sure that
there are no physical reasons for the tic. However,
taking him to a mental health worker, such as a psychologist,
social worker or psychiatrist could help to discover
if he does have anxiety about anything going on in his
life. It could be that a few sessions individually with
a mental health professional would help him sort through
his thoughts and feelings about school, his IQ and any
pressure he may be putting on himself or he may be feeling
from others. Prior to putting him on any medication
you will want to have some confidence that you know
what the tic is all about. Simply medicating him may
not get at the root of the problem. Good luck.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
My sons, who are 17 & 19 years old, drink alcohol
and smoke marijuana. I have spoken to them about the hazards
of both, but they can't seem to see past their momentary
pleasure. They listen to my words, but still continue
to use alcohol and marijuana frequently. Short of locking
them up in rehab, or having them arrested, what can I
do? I really do not want to kick them out of the house
as they would just end up going to live with friends who
have their own apartments. My boys are helpful and respectful
in our home. Their drinking and smoking occur outside
of our house. Please advise me. Thank you.
Answer:
At your son's age, you have very little leverage to
force them to quit smoking marijuana or using alcohol,
short of involving legal authorities. However, you do
have the right to decide what will go on in your home.
You can expect them not to use illegal, substances in
your house. You can also not provide money for them
which they might use to buy alcohol and marijuana. You
can refuse to let them drive your vehicles and refuse
to help pay for any expenses for cars in their own name.
You can refuse to help them out with education past
high school if they continue to use, since you may not
get your "money's worth" if getting high while
in school. You can let them know you will not bail them
out of jail if they are arrested for using illegal substances.
In other words, you let them know that they can make
their own choices about substance abuse, but you will
make your own choices about how much you will support
them financially and how much you will support them
emotionally if they continue to use or get into legal
problems because if their substance abuse.
You can also seek out treatment agencies in your area
which have community or outreach programs about substance
abuse or have former "addicts" sharing their
experiences in public forums. You might also require
them to do volunteer work in agencies which serve the
substance abusing population.
These are just suggestions for possible ways that might
influence your sons to stop using alcohol and marijuana.
You will need to decide which ones you are comfortable
with and think may have a positive effect on your sons.
It is possible that none of these will "get through
to them" and you will have to hope that maturity
and more "real world" experiences will some
day help them make better decisions.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
I desperately need help for my 10 years old son. He
has always been a defiant child but things have gotten
so much worse. About a year ago he was put on Paxil
by a psychiatrist for anxiety and some depression. About
6-months ago he has started having fits of rage. His
father and I can't reprimand him or give consequences
to his actions or he totally loses it. He has started
hitting me recently. Has also throws things, knocks
over the dining room table, etc. He goes to a counselor
but that is not helping. His counselor is on vacation
for a month so I can't call him for advise. I am starting
to fear his violence. I don't know where to turn or
what to do. I think he needs to go somewhere possibly
inpatient to help him. What do you think we should do?
Thank you for your time.
Answer:
Your son does sound as if he is getting out control,
and becoming physically violent is cause for concern.
If this has not been done, he needs a complete physical
to rule out any underlying medical problems and psychological
testing to understand more clearly what is shaping his
behavior patterns. Outpatient therapy sessions may not
be enough, given his escalating behavior problems. He
certainly may benefit from a more intensive psychiatric
day treatment program or possibly an inpatient program.
If at age ten he this out of control, you really would
want to find a fairly intensive program to help him
get in control of his behavior before he enters the
physical and psychological storms that occur in adolescence.
I hope that you discuss your concerns when your therapist
returns. You have a difficult situation and I hope you
are successful in finding a good program for your son.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
I am taking a drug test for work and have been clean for
over two years. I am on a low carb diet and in ketosis.
I have heard that marijuana is in the fat cells. Now that
I am losing the weight and the fat, will this have an
effect on the drug test?
Answer:
Your are correct in thinking that marijuana is stored
in the fat cells. THC, the active metabolite of marijuana,
is stored in the fatty tissue and slowly released over
time. However, dieting has no effect on this process.
The THC metabolite is completely gone from the fatty
tissues within a few days to several weeks, depending
on the frequency of marijuana use. Once it is gone from
the body, dieting will not cause the THC to re-appear.
Q. My teenager says I have no right to search their
room, for any reason. I do believe in privacy, but what
if I suspect they are using drugs? (submitted 1/9/02)
A. As a parent, you not only have the right, but the
obligation, to help keep your child safe. This includes
"invading their privacy" by searching their
room for drugs or alcohol if you suspect they may be
using them.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
My 16 yr old son was recently given a written test about
his drinking, the test results showed he was dishonest
about his drinking, he claimed the questions were misleading.
How accurate are those self exam tests?
A: Self-report tests about drinking are as accurate
as the responses that a person gives. There is no way
a written test can conclude that a person drinks, without
some kind of input from the person taking the test.
A test could say that the person taking the test answers
in a way that other drinkers typically answer. While
it is certainly possible that your son misunderstood
the questions and answered in a self-incriminating way,
it is more likely that he has been involved or has been
around people who are involved with drinking. However,
that is not 100 % for sure. At this point, I would discuss
the issue of teenage drinking with him to make sure
he has heard from you what your position is on teenage
drinking. I would remind him that it is illegal for
him to be drinking. I would discuss with him the dangers
of being around others who are drinking. In other words,
while not taking the results of the test as the absolute
truth, I would certainly use this as an opportunity
to discuss the whole issue of drinking, peer pressure,
parental expectations in this area and legal repercussion
of underage drinking. Without assuming that he is drinking,
I would certainly keep my eyes open.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
About a couple of years ago I had an extremely damaging
LSD experience. One minute I was in a transcendent state
of being and the next everything got very "demonic"
and painful. I actually stayed five days in the local
hospital's psych ward. Before this trip I was a fairly
stable young man but the last 2 years have been an almost
heartbreaking climb uphill. I'm to the point now where
I can keep a good job and meet new people which is a
huge improvement. However, I always feel haunted by
that crazy night and how it has caused so many complications
in my mind and emotions. Do you have any recommendations
on who or where I can turn for some more clarity about
situations like this? It's a bad feeling to have such
a huge life altering experience and not having any idea
what the heck happened.
A: You have certainly gone through a rough time. It
has been two years since you had your LSD experience
and you have made a great deal of progress in getting
yourself "back together". But you are still
in an emotional turmoil and can't seem to let it go.
I would suggest returning to counseling to help you
understand why you can't let go of the past and how
you can focus more on the present and future. Engage
in positive activities with positive people. Become
involved with giving your time and energy to helping
others who are having a tough time (not drug related)
and as you begin to focus your time, energy and thoughts
on things outside of yourself, your inner demons may
recede into the background. Good Luck.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
Is there any way to fool the NicoMeter or NicAlert?
How long does the nicotine stay in the system? How can
you get it out of your system?? Are there blood tests
to find nicotine in the system? Please respond!
A: We do not know any way to fool the NicAlert or
NicoMeter nicotine tests.
The NicAlert and NicoMeter tests actually detect cotinine,
which is a metabolite of nicotine. Almost all nicotine
tests look for the presence of cotinine because cotinine
stays in the body much longer than does nicotine. A
person who smokes one or two cigarettes might have cotinine
in their body for several days. A heavy smoker might
continue to have cotinine in their body for 8 to 14
days after smoking the last cigarette.
Nicotine and cotinine can be detected using saliva,
urine, and blood tests.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
My husband and I are trying to decide if we need to
test our oldest son for drugs, alcohol and tobacco.
We have always trusted him. Recently, he came to us
and confessed that he had tried marijuana, drank beer
and had sex. He
has promised us that none of those things held an appeal
to him and would not occur again. We would like to trust
him again, but are uncomfortable. He has, since then,
come into the house smelling like smoke and having
red-bloodshot eyes. Both of which he attributes to being
around smokers and his contacts being bothered by the
smoke. His birth father and I are divorced and he sees
him and his wife, several days a month. They do not
discourage any negative behavior, saying that "boys
will be boys." Since our son's confession, he has
wanted to spend more time with them and talks more about
needing freedom. My husband and I have always had an
open and trusting relationship with him and have tried
to balance being reasonable, yet firm. Our son is seventeen
and not rebellious by nature. We appreciate his telling
us the truth and his overall attitude is positive. It
seems to me that he see's "the other side"
drinking and partying with no negative side effects,
they are both close to 50, and he seems to think, based
on previous conversations, that you can do drugs or
alcohol on occasion and not become addicted to the point
where they control you, based on what he sees in his
other set of parents. He has been raised with the knowledge
of what the potential of all of these substances are
and has never shown an interest in them until this summer.
Any help is appreciated. We want to trust him, but I
need some assurance that he is telling me the truth.
Thank you.
A: Thank you for your thoughtful question, and for
being willing to share our answer with others.
Your son has admitted trying some of the behaviors that
you have discouraged. You seem to be doing a good job
of communicating with him about the negative consequences
of using tobacco, drugs and alcohol. Encourage him to
talk with you about his experiences. Were they positive
or negative, are they worth trying again? What has he
observed with others who use substances? Does he think
he will use them again? If he does, will he agree to
continue to evaluate the consequences of using them?
He is almost a legal adult and the best thing you can
do for him is help him become an honest and thoughtful
observer of his own behavior and the consequences of
it. Of course, you can continue to let him know that
you disapprove of these behaviors and why and that you
will not tolerate them in your home. If he were younger,
with a few more years to go before being on his own,
I would advise a different course of action, including
testing him for use of substances. At his age, you want
open communication with him so you can continue to be
a positive influence in his adult life.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
Is there a way to fool a nicotine test?
A: No, we know of no way to fool a nicotine test. Our
nicotine tests actually detect cotinine, which the body
produces naturally as it breaks down the nicotine molecule.
Cotinine stays in the body much longer than does nicotine,
and is a very reliable indicator that a person used
a tobacco product. There is nothing a person can do
to prevent cotinine from appearing in their urine or
saliva after they use tobacco.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
I want to check my dad for smoking how long will the
nicotine in his system?
A: Thanks for your question about nicotine testing.
The length of time nicotine stays in the system depends
on how much a person smokes. If a person smoked only
one or two cigarettes a week, the nicotine might be
gone within a day after smoking. A person who routinely
smokes several packs a day will continue to test positive
for nicotine for seven to ten days after they stop smoking.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
If one is on a low carbohydrate diet and is in ketosis,
can an alcohol test be inaccurate or influenced?
A: You asked if ketosis resulting from a low-carbohydrate
diet might create a false positive alcohol test. Some
types of inexpensive battery powered alcohol testing
devices might give a slight response to a person with
ketosis. The response, if present, is unlikely to be
interpreted as significant intoxication.
Most disposable alcohol testers will not respond to
a person with ketosis. Neither will the high-quality
battery and AC powered alcohol testing devices that
use fuel cell alcohol sensors. Fuel cell devices are
specific to alcohol, and do not respond to other substances
on a person's breath.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
Hi, my name is Anna and I'm 13 years old. Lately my
friends and I have been worried about a friend of ours,
Kat. When she was about 8 she was sexually assaulted
by her 70 year old neighbor in his pool. She has gotten
over this and is pretty well rounded. But what worries
us is, lately she has been going out with lots of guys,
most of them a year or two older than her With 3 of
them, she has made out or even gone farther. Last year,
when we were in 6th grade, she went out with her neighbor
Cody who was in 7th grade. They made out several times
in his basement. Then she met a guy this summer. He
was probably like a year older, I don't know for sure.
They met when her family and his family rented a cabin
together. Their parents let them have their own little
island, and on this "private island" as she
calls it, they ended up kissing, and he buttfucked her!
Then the most recent one was this guy from Texas that
her parents know his parents? He just came up for the
weekend and they hung out just as friends for the whole
weekend and on Sunday they ended up making out in her
garage! She says they are in love. I find this really
hard to believe. She hasn't told her parents any of
this, they think she is an innocent little child. We
are really worried because we are afraid she will go
too far with guys when she gets to high school and will
end up being a teen mother or something. Does this have
something to do with the thing with her neighbor? What
can my friends and I do about it? Please respond!
A: Your friend is certainly engaging in behavior that
could be harmful to her and you are right to be concerned.
It is probably true that her earlier sexual abuse is
contributing to her current behavior. It is not unusual
for a person who has been sexually abused as a child
to become sexually active as a teenager. However, the
main concern now is that she is acting in ways that
are not good for her. I assume that you have talked
with her about what you have observed and about what
you suspect is contributing to her behavior now.
She may need to get back into counseling so she can
look at the possible connections between the abuse and
her relationships with guys now. If she is unwilling
to look at her behavior objectively and to consider
it as a possible outgrowth of the abuse, you must tell
her to confide in her parents. If she is unwilling to
do this, you may need to tell her parents yourself,
even though she will probably be angry with you. Her
anger at you would be a small price for you to pay for
helping your friend stop her harmful behavior.
Q: Dear Psychologist,
My daughter has just gone away to college. Both of her
parents are alcoholic - I am a recovering alcoholic
- and she insists - she is so sure at her age - that
she will not drink or do drugs- to quote her exactly
"Mom, if I had wanted to I would have done it already".
We talk very openly about this disease - I promised
her that if I "relapsed" I would tell her
- but I have read - even in the Big Book - about many
people who have never drank or hade the desire to drink
- did it in college, despite never even wanting or thinking
about it. I am scared for her because of her "genes".
Please write back as to if her strength and knowledge
could overcome perhaps the peer pressure - after all
- not everyone who drinks becomes an alcoholic. I was
44 years old before I did.
A: I cannot say whether your daughter has enough strength
or knowledge not to be tempted by alcohol in college.
You sound as though you have done a good job in trying
to prepare her for the lure of drinking that she will
undoubtedly face. You might ask her to talk with you
if she does use alcohol - not in fear, but just to process
the experience with you, someone who knows about it.
You might suggest to her that if she does drink, that
she keep a diary or chart so that she can notice any
pattern of possible escalation. You certainly should
continue to warn her and remind her of what you have
gone through, though in a low key way so she doesn't
feel "nagged" at. You might suggest she look
around for an Alanon meeting on campus to help her with
any "children of alcoholic" issues, as well
as to keep the topic of the dangers of alcohol fresh
in her mind and to meet others grappling with the same
family experiences and dangers. If she continues to
resist because she is "strong" enough, try
asking her to attend Alanon meetings "for my sake".
- that is, so that you will feel better. In other words,
try, however you can, to get a commitment from her that
she will engage in some organized group involved with
alcohol awareness: Children of Alcoholics, MADD or something
similar so that she has a group of people who will keep
the issue of alcohol abuse clearly in her mind. If she
is unwilling to do any of these suggestions, just cross
your fingers, keep the lines of communication open and
be there in case she falls.
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